Have you ever wondered why almost everyone in the future is slim? The secret can be gleaned from the parts of Star Trek that they don’t show. It’s really very simple. Anyone who has watched Star Trek will know that the transporter disintegrates you down to a molecular level and then reconstitutes you when you’ve been beamed to your destination. What they don’t show is how Captain Kirk surreptiously tells the transporter operator to lose a few molecules around the abdominal area. Voila, those extra pounds gained at the Vulcan banquet gone.

Scotty is definite proof of this theory – He very seldom left Engineering and the lack of away missions really showed around his belly. I also theorise that Scotty’s stressful job lead to the gain of abdominal weight. Captain Kirk may have made the tough decisions, but Scotty’s the one who always had to get that little bit extra from the Enterprise.

The transporter is also why the crew of the enterprise didn’t seem to age – Who needs botox when there’s facial reconstruction at a molecular level? Bones hated transporters and would never have asked for any customized transports. Remember how old he looked? How come Chekov and Uhuru never seemed to age? (Spock doesn’t count; I think he was born about 90 years old and already an adult.)

So, now you know. Anyone going to join me in signing up for the USS Enterprise?