Not all abusive parents intend to hurt their child.  In fact, almost all parents planned to shower their child with love and to do what is best for him or her.  Unfortunately, not all parents are psychologically prepared to bringing up a child.  And many parents are not equipped with right knowledge on how to discipline their child.  And so, something like this happens.

First, the child misbehaves.  The five-year-old is intentionally pouring his milk on the carpeted floor.  The parent hears a collected gasp of horror from guests or relatives who are visiting.

Second, the parent attempts to hastily correct the misbehavior.  The father or mother gives stern explicit instructions on what the child should do.  “Stop that immediately.  Put the glass back on the table and mop the floor.”  The child, of course, did not realize the implications of what he has done.  Maybe, he was just trying to see what will happen if he places the milk on the floor, instead of into his mouth.

And so, the third thing that happens is that the child does not comply with the parents instructions.  He may stare blankly or attempt to explain what he was trying to do.  But being a five-year-old, he may not be eloquent or persuasive enough to sway the perceptions of an adult.

Then, the fourth thing happens.  The parent feels that his authority is threatened.  He feels angry and communicates this anger towards the child.  He yells at and insults the child.  “Nothing gets inside your thick head.  I’ve given you very simple instructions.  You are dumber than I thought.”  Some parents get physical.  A father may shake the shoulders.  A mother may slap the child because of insolence and disobedience.

The fifth event follows.  The child also feels angry and resents the words of his parent.  He has been made to feel worthless.  Worse than the physical pain he received when the parent slapped him, the child suffers a misery, about which he has no complete understanding.

As years go by and the child becomes a teenager, he continues to misbehave.  He intentionally refuses to listen or obey his parents.  This is his way of exacting revenge.  For example, the parent instructs him to clean his room.  He frowns, goes to his room and slams the door.  Then, the parent checks on the teenager.  The parent finds the teen talking on the phone while the stereo’s volume is set high and clothes are strewn all over the place.  This sets off another angry tirade from the parent.  The parent threatens to spank or whip the teen.  And the teen becomes defiant and attempts to fight.  One of them, most often the teenager, gets hurt.

This series of events happen over and over again until the parent finds that only by physically hurting his child is he able to demonstrate his authority.